this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
