they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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