I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
