After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
