I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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