saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
