I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
