Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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