dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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