She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
