If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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