Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
