Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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