We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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