My nipple is on Facebook.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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