Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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