STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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