i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
