saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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