Your dad touched me again.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
