What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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