i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
