The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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