I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
