God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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