Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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