I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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