did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
