im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
