pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
