Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
worst night to have a conscience
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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