I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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