The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
