Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
