I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
