he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
