WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
