well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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