I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I accidentally burped into my bong.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
