I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
How does one acquire holy water?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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