You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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