Can i not drive my cunt home
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
