That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
