fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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