I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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