Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
