I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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