tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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