I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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