Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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