Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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