i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
