Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
