Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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