i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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