He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I want is dick and wine.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
