And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
