He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
