i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
