she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
